i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
