I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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