Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
