My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
