Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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