Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I hate all girls vehemently.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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