Christians are straight up FREAKS
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
tonight lets celebrate not being married
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
