We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
