Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
