I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
