Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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