My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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