Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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