He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You're like the curious george of whores
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
