I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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