Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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