I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
