I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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