went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
