she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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