can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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