I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
