I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Of course I have a pirate flag
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
