I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
