Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
A+ Viking dick
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