I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
