Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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