he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
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