literally had 100 drinks last night.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
