i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
