I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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