Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
