She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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