then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
