I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I love you.
Bad choice
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
