Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
