so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
