i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My breasts were aching with rage.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
