He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
