sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
where are you?
Hypothermia
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
