singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
