at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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