I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
