Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Randomize
