The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
