If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
