so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
