someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
