when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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