i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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