What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
