I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Someone signed my nipple.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
