The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
