At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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